just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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