i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
