You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
