I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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