i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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