not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
