He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
