Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
