im gay
i know
yea but for you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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