If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
