the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
