Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
