no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
