The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Mom said you looked used
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
