"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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