I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
