I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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