she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
