So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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