hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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