Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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