the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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