Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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