just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
