I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
