Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
