The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
honey bunches of taint.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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