Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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