You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
