last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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