Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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