An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
