remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
