After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Green mimosas i think yes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
