I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
