hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
