Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
