i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
