Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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