I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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