Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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