dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
