Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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