As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
