yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this boner is exhausting
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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