Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
