Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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