My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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