then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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