Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
