My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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