I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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