I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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