Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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