My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
