I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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