two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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