eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
