So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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