hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i will never coherently bang her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
