he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
