I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Floor bacon is actually really good
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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