After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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