Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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