i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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