Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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