I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
