I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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