Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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