***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
