Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
