I wanna bring you to show and tell
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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