I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
