so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
