careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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