im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
