dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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