That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
